are we there yet?

(cross-posted to LAmom)

when i was a kid, i would sometimes look ahead to the year 2000.  in the year 2000, i would turn 36 years old.  i imagined myself as an adult with a house and a family.  the idea in my mind was that i would be stable.  i would have reached the place in life where my career, my life plans, and everything else would be settled.  i would have arrived

when 2000 came, i did have a house and a family, but i didn't feel settled.  i still don't.  my career is in flux (and so is my husband's), we don't really know if we're going to stay in this house or move, and our financial situation is pretty dynamic, to put it kindly.  i feel like i'm still on my way to becoming "what I'm going to be when I grow up"

and yet, middle age is here, whether defined by age (41) or by physiology (hot flashes and a bit of graying hair).  one of my first thoughts when i started getting hot flashes was that my life had failed to keep up with my body.  i'm supposed to have my life in order by the time i reach middle age, and i'm not there yet

when i talked with my mom about it, she was a big help.  she's 20 years older than me, and she has plenty of money, but she still doesn't feel like everything is settled

i need to remind myself sometimes that even though i'm older than the people i see on billboards and magazine covers, there's a good chance that my life is not yet half over (i'm in good health and come from pretty long-lived stock).  if i plan to retire at 70, then i have more working years ahead of me than i do behind me 

there's a woman at our church who is about 75 years old.  after being a nurse since the dawn of time, she's started a new job working for my brother, a lawyer.  she's excited about learning the ropes.  just like my mom, she said that she doesn't feel settled and she doesn't feel particularly old, either

will I ever feel like i've arrived?  maybe it doesn't matter

Comments

[Rock Bitch]

I never knew this could be part of menopause! I feel that way so often and complain to my co-workers that I feel like I am pregnant! This menopause thing is just so enlightening, isn't it?

[Sue Richards]

I took a meditation course a number of year's ago. Someone in the class mentioned that "they felt like they had not arrived at their place in life yet."

The instructor suggested that this was classic if you're the type of person that lives life in the future rather than the present moment.

Meditation focuses on being fully present now, a much more settled place to be. And the only real place too because it's the only place that exists.

The future may not come in the package you envision.

Sue Richards

[LAmom]

Excellent thought. Thanks, Sue.

[QueenBitch]

So you never "get there?" sigh

I wonder though, if you did, would you end up being bored mindless?

I read once that one of the things that women going through menopause do with all the changes going on in mind and body is become more creative. I suppose that the strange change in attitude accompianied by insomnia both lend to that. It's a nice thought...dealing with the neverending changes in a healthier way, and creating in ways many of us didn't take the time to do pre-meno.