ARE WE THERE YET?

(cross-posted to LAcrone)

When I was a kid, I would sometimes look ahead to the year 2000.  In the year 2000, I would turn 36 years old.  I imagined myself as an adult with a house and a family.  The idea in my mind was that I would be stable.  I would have reached the place in life where my career, my life plans, and everything else would be settled.  I would have arrived.

When 2000 came, I did have a house and a family, but I didn't feel settled.  I still don't.  My career is in flux (and so is my husband's), we don't really know if we're going to stay in this house or move, and our financial situation is pretty dynamic, to put it kindly.  I feel like I'm still on my way to becoming "what I'm going to be when I grow up."

And yet, middle age is here, whether defined by age (41) or by physiology (hot flashes and a bit of graying hair).  One of my first thoughts when I started getting hot flashes was that my life had failed to keep up with my body.  I'm supposed to have my life in order by the time I reach middle age, and I'm not there yet.

When I talked with my mom about it, she was a big help.  She's 20 years older than me, and she has plenty of money, but she still doesn't feel like everything is settled.

I need to remind myself sometimes that even though I'm older than the people I see on billboards and magazine covers, there's a good chance that my life is not yet half over (I'm in good health and come from pretty long-lived stock).  If I plan to retire at 70, then I have more working years ahead of me than I do behind me. 

There's a woman at our church who is about 75 years old.  After being a nurse since the dawn of time, she's started a new job working for my brother, a lawyer.  She's excited about learning the ropes.  Just like my mom, she said that she doesn't feel settled and she doesn't feel particularly old, either.

Will I ever feel like I've arrived?  Maybe it doesn't matter.

Comments

[Drina]

I've always pictured "arriving" as something someone does when die. I'm still at a relatively early point in the journey of life, but from here it looks like life will always be dynamic. My parents lives are always changing; ditto for my grandma. There are always new directions and adjustments.

[LAmom]

Well said, Drina.

And everybody should look at Sue Richards's insight from the opposite direction. It's on the other blog. Here it is.