All right, girls. It's been two months since we started module 1 (Charming of Form) in our quest to become modern-day Venuses. So we all have perfect figures now, right? Good. Open up your copies of Secrets of Charm, and let's move on to chapter 2 -- Charming of Grace.
There is no one more attractive in a man's eye than a graceful woman. Like a streamlined car, she satisfies the masculine criterion of smooth performance combined with smooth looks.
Wow. No fisking necessary on that one. It ridicules itself.
So the first thing Mr. Powers wants us to work on is posture.
Numerous unsightly figure flaws stem from posture flaws . . . Attributable as much to fatigued or belabored posture as to improper weight and lax muscles are the spare tire, the "bustle" in the back, dropped bosom lines, bony shoulders, dowager's hump, puffball knees, stick legs, ballooning calves and various other figure faults to gloomy to dwell upon.
Mr. Powers also mentions that poor posture is not good for one's health, but mainly to point out that a girl who has poor circulation and oxygenation "can deprive herself of the glowing skin and bright eyes that would otherwise be hers."
After a posture test and exercises designed to correct any flaws, we are shown how to stand in that classic "model pose," the one where the heel of one foot rests at the instep of the other foot and points out 45 degrees.
Those are the basics of standing, but we must diversify beyond that.
Some women actually create dull, repetitious pictures of themselves by assuming the same static position on every occasion when a movement so slight as the flick of the wrist would bring their looks new life.
Silly me, I thought the way to be an exciting woman was to have insightful and interesting things to say on different occasions, not new ways to pose. Well, I don't have to make that mistake again once I learn these five approved hand positions and three foot positions (in addition to the model stance).
Now that we've conquered standing still, let's attempt movement. The first project is walking, something I thought I had learned when I was 14 months old. But not well enough, I see, since my neglectful mother failed to teach me the glide-walk. The seven-step process details:
- The right height to lift my feet from the ground,
- The correct distance forward to move my foot,
- The correct way to shift my weight between feet,
- The importance of gripping the floor with my toes,
- The proper distance I should maintain between my feet while walking,
- The importance of doing all of this silently,
- The correct size and method of arm swing, and
- The importance of not moving any other body parts while walking.
Whew! I'm supposed to practice this, of course, in stocking feet and in all heights of heels.
Even though you are a slave to the rules of glide-walking, you cannot compel your body to conform unless your posture is above reproach and your "walking" muscles and joints behave like well-oiled and integrated motors.
Again, no fisking needed.
In the final 33 pages of this 58-page chapter, we learn how to:
- Turn around,
- Go up and down stairs,
- Sit in a chair ("You will never collect all your charm credits if you consider getting in and out of a chair as a mere functional act of your own concern."),
- Carry purses and gloves,
- Nod our heads,
- Smile -- different techniques are required for different sizes and shapes of mouths (by the way, our friend at Eyes for Lies says that a fake smile sets off her insincerity sensors; I wonder if abandoning one's instinctual smile to follow the Powers rules might have the same effect),
- Use proper eye expressions,
- Enter and leave a room,
- Bend over (actually good advice for maintaining a healthy back),
- Sit on the floor,
- Get in (7 steps) and get out (6 steps) of a car,
- Carry and properly don a coat or wrap,
- Lay down and turn over while sunbathing.
Like I said in the last post, everything we do every moment of the day is a performance, ladies. Focus your energies on making sure that you're never guilty of postures or movements that fail to please everyone. We've got to fulfill our duties as women, right?